I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
