I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
