made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You are a genius and a whore.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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