someone threw a dead crab at me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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