I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
