tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
