Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
