Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
