So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
