Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
