I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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