Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
