There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
