Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
