I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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