Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
