My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
