what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
