so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
