I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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