their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
