i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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