he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
