When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
