Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
honey bunches of taint.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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