his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
