I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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