you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
