I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
