She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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