don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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