I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
