I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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