I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize