when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
