Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
