people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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