Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
