just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish I only lived at night.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
