2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
