Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
