I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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