I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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