Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
