All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
