A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
