the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
