the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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