my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
