She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
