you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
