If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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