The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
