Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
