Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
