She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
