after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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