All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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