Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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