bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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