just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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