That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
