the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do vagina's smell?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
