its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
