fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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