He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He did a backflip because drugs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
