He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
