well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
