I puked a lego.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
