Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
