Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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