Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
