Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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