Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The ass gains better be worth it
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