Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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