went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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