She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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