the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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